We all know the Cinderella fairy tale.....they lived happily ever after or so it goes if you fill in the gaps in your own life/experience. What all authors conveniently refused to mention is that happily ever after is a roller coaster worthy of a Guinness book of records mention. Sure your partner may be the most loving, kindest person you ever met but what about those secrets they keep from you?
Let’s step away from the usual melodrama of meddling relatives, nosy neighbours and general naysayers. Are you complicit in propagating marital/relationship hypocrisy? No? Are you sure? Before you met your spouse/partner, was she/ he into porn? Soft, hard, doesn’t matter which type it is. Did she/he miraculously give up their secret kink simply because you are the declared love of their life? Did she/ he suddenly find the light and vow to never look at another attractive person besides yourself?
Drum roll please..... you are engaged in what I refer to as marital hypocrisy. This is the subtle art practiced by both men and women in stable relationships in which they pretend to stop engaging in those activities that are frowned upon by the confused masses. Porn? “Be gone Jezebel” they say while secretly keeping a hidden folder on the phone or whatever gadget of choice it may be. Look at another person and appreciate just how beautiful/ handsome a specimen they are, “never” they yell sprinkling imaginary holy water all over themselves while trawling Instagram and the general world wide webs looking for said specimens of physical beauty. These are just two examples of marital hypocrisy I have personally encountered. Look within your life book and see if any of this resonates or worse still you are actively engaged in its propagation.
I see a difference between simply looking at another being and going “ gosh! That is gorgeous!” then going back to your cup of tea or hard liquor or whatever it is you were engaged in and taking it a notch further by finding their phone number, stalking them in any form or other type of nonsense that you can imagine. Just appreciate without coveting or wanting to possess. Then do not lie to your significant other by claiming that you have never looked at another girl/ boy/ goat whatever strikes your fancy and gone “Gosh! That is beautiful”. For as long as no innocents are involved or coercion of any sort, each to their own.
Similarly do not pretend that you have miraculously given up porn because you now have a regular partner to engage in nooky with. If she/ he knows it’s not personal then what is the problem? I think and I’m no expert that these seemingly minute issues contribute greatly to a solid and enduring relationship.
On the other hand if you are perfectly happy pretending your significant other has eyes only for you for all eternity, by all means keep on doing you because that’s all that matters anyway.
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