The very visible invisible monsters

Fear, failure, anger those are my invisible monsters. Well they are invisible but at the moment when one would have me in its grip, it would be very real and therefore visible to me. Today we shall unveil the funny little monster known as failure.

We all have tenuous relationships meant to test us and help us grow if we allow ourselves to see whatever challenge we may be faced with at any one time as an opportunity for growth. If you don't then you are either dead or an angel, in either case good for you! My particular tenuous relationship has far reaching tentacles for it is not one that I can just put down and walk away from or at least that’s what it seems to me for most of the time. It finds ways to poke its insidious tentacles into my life when I think that I have everything under some semblance of reasonable control. 

On this particular day or past couple of days to be more exact I had been embroiled in a seemingly never ending pit beating myself up over why “I had failed” to get through to this particular test of mine. No matter what I did, there was always an underlying feeling of not being good enough, not meeting undefined expectations and a pervasive hostility that I could feel even with the social distancing protocol. The fact that I could feel hostility over the ethers should have been enough to let me know that the issue was larger than myself. But remember that “victim” mentality we previously spoke of? It came and made itself quite comfortable and here I was like an obedient little slave asking what’s wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? Foolish questions as it were that led me absolutely nowhere. Then I realized, no its not me, it never was! I had tapped into a vast pot of hostility and made it my own. I reached for the easiest reference in my personal history and validated energy that did not belong to me. Time to unplug and I did just that.

If you are currently feeling sad, afraid, angry, guilty or some other random energy that does not resonate with who you are, stop yourself and ask what percentage of this is actually mine? Listen to the answer that comes to you from the depths of your being. If you hear 80% that is a good thing, celebrate it otherwise put a halt to all that does not serve you and is coming from the Collective Consciousness. It will all be ok have faith.

Finding balance in a world devoid of the usual parameters

What do you do when your personal life is drawn into a whirlpool and you’ve nothing to hold onto? You hold onto the few principles that are true to your very core and adapt as best as you can within the circumstances.

When the quarantine took full effect in our lives, it was life as normal for me. I had unknowingly been in practice for social distancing for no less than a year. My spiritual growth process had kicked in during December of 2018 and I had been in the “darkness” for an entire year. I wasn’t as hard hit by the requirement to stay home because that was where I had been the entire year. During the course of 2019, I lived through so many changes on a physical, mental and spiritual level. It is quite hard to put into words truthfully. In that time I learnt to identify, value and prioritize what was most important to me. The fear that had driven my entire life prior to 2019 had to take a back seat and let living in flow with nature take the driver’s seat. For one who was deathly afraid of not being “always in control” of every aspect of her life, letting go of control was the most difficult thing I had to do. I can tell you that December 2018 to December 2019 was one of the most trying years I have live and I subsequently learnt that living in fear was not a good way to be and went about changing all those things that were within my power to alter.

Come the quarantine and now my significant other is at home full time. He, like most other individuals is constantly tapped into the fear matrix that is currently pandemic. He would be on the phone with his colleagues and friends often discussing the number of deaths and other matters loosely related to the pandemic. I have no idea what comfort, if any, these discussions provided to his psyche. On the other hand, I had spent an entire year devoted to ridding myself of the hold fear had on my life so I made a conscious effort to not be sucked into that particular abyss in the current situation. Not that I was carelessly going about shaking hands or socializing with abandon, I was never one for extensive physical contact so this is a welcome reprieve for me truth be told. Nobody would think me rude or standoffish because I recoil from holding hands.

Now how does one maintain their balance in this situation? I had to hold on to what was true for me and that is not allowing fear into our home. He is very welcome to have the discussions on the pandemic to his heart’s content, just not within the confines of the house. We are lucky enough to have a garden and he is more than welcome to have the phone calls outside, problem solved for our particular situation.

How has this pandemic encroached on your core beliefs? What creative solutions have you come up with to maintain some semblance of sanity?

The myriad facets of the one

Do you know who you are? Are you able to define yourself in one word? I should hope not for definition implies inability to change, I forget whom to credit that particular bon mot to. We are dynamic beings made up of more facets that one can count yet we are continuously compelled to find a box and put ourselves neatly into it and then go about our lives in that box. It may be a tight fit but hush now! Stop trying to be different and live within your box.

Before I started this little soap box of mine, I struggled with how to do just that-start. Remember I am a veritable creature of habit and so I will tend to instinctively look for a routine, or box that can define me and what I am attempting to do and then embark on the Herculean task of trying to make myself fit into that box. I would look up guidance on how to start a blog and the number of resources out there is positively mind-boggling. “What do you like?” “What is your niche?” What is your age?” “What is your favorite color?’ and a myriad other questions that while useful to some extent are also designed to put you into a nice little box. Whether you fit into that box or not is irrelevant, find a way to contort yourself accordingly. 

Of course I failed drastically at defining myself so neatly because I have a vast array of interests and so I put off writing. We are such dynamic beings with diverse interests its so hard, at least for me, to limit myself to just one facet of my being. I like so many things and stop liking in equal measure when the usefulness of that particular like has passed.  Its just who I am, now why would I limit myself to writing about just one thing? I’m nearly certain there is a hard as nails biker out there who enjoys cooking up a storm, classical music and fashion all in the same breath. Why then should they be confined to expressing one facet of themselves in writing? If their blog contains all those nuances that make up the sum total of the whole would you be averse to reading it? And if you are averse, have you asked yourself why?

So be prepared this space will have all manner of content, there are no limits except for those things that I have no personal interest in, for instance fear-mongering and bringing others down in any shape or form to name a few. This is a space for me to honor all that is me and you are welcome to join if you are so inclined.

What facets of yourself would you like to honor? Share and let’s find a way to honor them together.

The unsung heroes and old dogs learning new tricks

Now that we all have the basics of social distancing down, or at least I hope those of you taking your time to read this have them. Let me take this moment to get onto my own little soapbox.

If you have children have you taken the time to acknowledge and thank the heroes and heroines known as teachers!! Do you realize the importance of the role teachers play in your child/ren’s life? Children the world over had their school routine cut short and we as parents/caregivers required to step up to the plate and take on a whole new mantle, that of teacher. In the past week I have learnt how to pretend to be a qualified teacher for both a 13 and 8 year old. I must say I am quite lucky as the eldest is quite responsible for herself and takes her education well and truly into her own hands. My 8 year old on the other hand needs a bit of guidance on managing his time between school and play.

Teachers the world over I salute and honor you!

I am also learning how to develop a respectable balance between school and play time. This may sound easy to some but I am of an older generation where play was not really encouraged over school time. Therefore I am learning a whole new way of being as I guide the children ensuring they keep up with the learning being posted by the teachers in their own homes.

I must also note that the children used to fight like proverbial cats and dogs. Before the quarantine, they had the whole world or at least their school friends at their disposal. Bickering like fish-wives was the norm, they could fall back onto their friends for support and compassion. They could say “ugh brothers/sisters are so annoying with eyes rolling so far back into their skulls they put themselves in danger of passing out. Now they get along so much better as I think it has also compelled them to realize that truly all they have is each other at the end of it all.

Who are your unsung heroes? Name them and let's sing their praises. Share this post with any teacher you may know and let them know that we acknowledge their contribution to the development of our children.